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The Perils of Promo Work

7 Dec 2015 - 10:15

So I recently had the pleasure of stepping into the shoes of a promotions kid. My job was to stand at various intersections in Cape Town and create hype around a competition. Now in theory, it appears to be the easiest job in the world, I mean all you really need to do is smile and talk to your fellow humanoids right? WRONG!

I am now aware of just how miserable we as humans are at times. What was worse though, were some of the interactions with people who acted as though you were some insistent fly buzzing around whose sole purpose in life was to annoy the ever loving shit out of them.

So I thought I would do what I do best, and comprise a list of the 10 perils of promo work that one will inevitably face.

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10 REJECTION

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On the plus side you will become so used to rejection that the hottest girl in the room won’t even be intimidating anymore. On the downside though, you will become a cynical human being that thinks the world is out to deny you it’s simple pleasures at every turn. Bummer I know.

 

9 SWEARING

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If you’re a stubborn bugger like me, “no” does not exist in your vocabulary. So you try your best to persuade your hapless victim to buy into your product, before they eventually snap and hit you with a plethora of swear words that leaves you both scared and awed at the same time.

 

8 FREE GOODS

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Promo work often entails you handing out a variety of free items to people. Now most people will decline, but there will be the few (often students) who just can’t resist a free deal! And they will attack you like some poor helpless springbok on the plains of Africa searching for their mother, so brace yourself.

 

7 DODGING TRAFFIC

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Since you’re an oddity in the day to day processes of human beings, you will most unfortunately be the obstacle that every one tries to either avoid or hit! Quick feet is most defiantly needed for this job. If you don’t have quick feet, I will have a bunch of flowers with a condolence letter sent to you mum.

 

6 SOBRIETY

There will probably come a time in your life when you’re faced with the inevitable task of performing the miracle of promoting something to some drunkard in a dingy club. Your task is to remain sober while the rest of the world parties in front of you. You will have to talk face-to-face to some drunk individual who thinks its ok to pull in because, “you looked hot”. Next thing you know, you now have lip herpes (cold sore) because he’s made out with a toilet for the better half of the night. I always maintain though ladies, that a quick knee to the groin will sort him out!

 

5  STANDARDISED DRESS CODE

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Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to find the most random clothing items in your cupboard and wear it out in public because that’s what the client wants. I’m talking maroon jeans and green sneakers weird! I always find it strange when clients expect you to dig into the archives of your cupboard for clothing that not even 6 year old you would rock, but you know, you need to get paid somehow right! So get out there, put on the best smile you can muster and promote the shit out of that product! This Radio Kid is rooting for you all the way!

Written By: Duncan Patrick